Shortly after we lost our Saint Bernard Bacchus a new one came into our lives via You Tube. Jub Jub. At the time just months old and as owners of new puppies do, his owner flooded You Tube with videos of their adventures. I received an invite that I would guess went to every Saint fan he could find.
It was all of our Saints all over again rolled into one. I couldn't wait for new ones. The timing was great because it helped heal the pain of my loss.
With time inconsolable grief turns into happy memories and you move on. At least it did with me and Jub Jub's young man. He moved, the videos became less frequent but we were friends on Facebook and I check in every now and then.
Time came to clean some things out of our game room. Sitting in a corner was a cardboard cut out of Beethoven I've had for 20 or so years. I picked him up from our local video store just after we lost Oaf who had preceded Bacchus as head Saint in our household. I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather pass him on to than Jub Jub and his human. All because of their relationship - it's special, at least to me. He's there now, in a place of honor on the wall above Jub Jub's sleeping space. It seemed a happy and fitting thing to do, I had healed.
But you never really do. My niece called me today in tears. She had just had their greyhound euthanized. The vet suspected a neurological problem for some time and yesterday it manifested itself to the point of no return. She described it to me, her anguish palpable. It brought back all those feelings as if my own experiences with Bacchus, all my dogs, had been yesterday. My eyes are moist now. For my niece and her family, for her Treason and all our pets that have gone before.
It hurts. Oh my, I had forgotten how much. I grieve more for my dogs than I do for most people. I don't recall who said that dogs aren't your whole life but they make your life whole. How true.
Such is the joy and the sorrow of allowing yourself to love that deeply and be loved equally as much in return. Run free Treason. That we could rejoin our dogs at some point in eternity would make all the pain and turmoil we live with in our earthly existance more than worth it.