The Jenny Sanford Rule

While discussing the misbehavior epidemic that is currently dominating our headlines, a man asked me, "How do these guys explain this to their wife and kids?"  Who was the man?  My husband.  He is as dumbfounded as I am about the whole sordid trend. I know that and I trust that. I wonder if the wives of the accused had that same faith in their spouses only to have it shattered in the glare of the media.

Most of the men named to this point are old enough to have grown children; at the very least old enough to understand.  I can't help but wonder where Dad was when teaching the kids proper behavior was taking place.  Working late no doubt.  Wink, wink.

There are victims other than those who lodged the complaints.  There are those wives and children.  What must they think?  How many will clench their teeth and stand by their men like Eliot Spitzer's or David Vitter's?  I'll never forget the look on their faces as they tried to  put up a brave front for the TV cameras.  And these guys were only involved in prostitution rings.  There, at least, the women were willing.

Personally, I most admire Jenny Sanford, the former wife of Congressman Mark Sanford. Sanford  disappeared from a hiking trip only to turn up in Argentina with his soul mate.  Mrs. Sanford said, in essence, "Okay, I'm outta here."

Why do wives stay?  Is it because on their own they wouldn't be able to maintain their lifestyle?  Do they really love the guy so unequivocally that he, in their eyes, can be forgiven anything? Wow.

I think if it were me back in the day I'd have taken the Jenny Sanford route. Even if my lifestyle changed, I think I could have made a decent living and could have lived with myself knowing I hadn't condoned something horribly out of step with honesty, decency and trust.

How do the kids react?  That I cannot answer.  I should think such a revelation would have put a wedge in their relationship with their Dads.  At least it should.

Yes, there are victims all around. Since I'm not particularly prone to victimhood in my own circumstances and I have the freedom to self-identify  these days I think I'll identify as decent with a strong moral compass. I hope the victims of this mass lunacy will find it within themselves to do the same.

Why Is A Slush Fund Even Needed?

It's a well know fact that money buys power but it sure doesn't buy honesty nor decency.

No sooner had misconduct allegations became public regarding our elected officials, Paul Ryan began touting sensitivity training for all members of Congress.

Are you kidding me? You're telling me our elected officials, those we trust to govern us, need to be told what is and what is not acceptable behavior? Pardon me if I feel a little sick to my stomach.

Then to find out that there is a "secret" slush fund set up for appeasement payments to anyone threatening to "out" the offender. With tax payer money no less.  Plus we don't even get to know who is paying out or why! My, their parents must be so proud. As for those parents, where were they when they had the responsibility to teach their children right from wrong? Who knows, maybe they are proud.

I feel like I'm sitting in front of a bubble machine with so many areas of our society floating around within one.  The media, entertainment moguls among others, politicians, academics and those they are supposed to be educating.  Who's left?

All the rest of us.  There are thousands upon thousands of us who don't shop on Black Friday, don't bully our associates nor allow our children to do so, don't think shop lifting in China is no big deal, and don't play the hapless victim card every time someone looks cross eyed at us.  Thank heavens.

We really are the silent majority you know.  Occasionally, very occasionally, someone will get a few seconds on the news for having done a good deed.  If the anchors don't blow the time being cute as is so often the case around here.

I'm not particularly fond of the way our President behaves.  I still feel he is a man/child with no self-discipline nor desire to develop any, but I do understand why people voted for him.  He speaks like ordinary people do in the privacy of their own homes.  He criticizes, berates, makes fun of all manner of people.  He probably always has.  I'm sure he always will.

The one refreshing thing about it, he isn't buying our allegiance with our own money. He's speaking to it with our own words.

True, money speaks.  It just isn't speaking my language.

The American Way ~ Brawling

Well, happy Black Friday.  The headlines this morning were exactly as I expected.  Brawls and worse everywhere.

What is it about these people?  That they so much want a "deal", often for themselves and not as a gift, that they are reduced to the most base behavior within themselves?

It seems so out of place after having just finished a meal with friends and loved ones giving thanks for all they have. Maybe they don't sit down with loved ones.  We know for sure some don't because they're living in a tent in line at the store they most want to destroy the moment the clock reaches the witching hour.

Now I read this behavior is spreading across the globe. What drives this insatiable want?  Is it the thrill of blood sport that makes them transform what should be simple shopping?  I don't understand it and never have.  I have never felt the slightest desire to participate.  There is nothing I want so much I'd reduce myself to such a level.  What's more put myself in harms way.

I've often wondered how much merchandise is damaged or ruined during these brawls. How much during the chaos is actually shop lifted.  Never paid for.  When the final post event inventory is taken and compared to receipts, how much of a shortcoming is there?

Ah, it's been such a long time since we've been a truly civilized society.  The current trend of allegations of rude and crude male behavior and the self righteous piety of academia that manifests itself in denial of rights should come as any surprise.  Black Friday modus operandi  has been going on for years and is certainly a contributing factor to the back turning of those who could have and should have condemned all such unacceptable behavior.

It's sad that there are not enough of us who deplore such behavior to be heard or make a difference.  One place it could begin is with the retailers.  They could just put an end to Black Friday sales events. But then there is the driving factor on both sides.  Greed.

Maybe it's just that so many of them are losing ground to online retailing.  It does spare merchants from having to pay huge amounts of overtime on top of the loss from drastic price cuts and it saves the shopping public from black eyes, bloody noses and stuff that will be broken or obsolete by the time the packages are even opened.

When will the next brawl be?  Probably at some venue that has the audacity to celebrate Christmas by saying "Merry Christmas".

Thanksgiving ~ A Pause That Refreshes

At least I hope it does. A break from all the bleak news that bombasts us daily.

We all have a lot to be thankful for even if we feel like we have to turn over rocks to discover just what.

For me, it's that I'm still here. It's that I've been married for 48 years to my first and only husband.  It's that he is not a man bent on bad behavior.  It's that I have a wonderful home, more than enough food on the table and friends, really good friends, that date back to my childhood.  It's that they, too, are still here!

It's that we still live in the best country in the world.  We're going through a really tough patch right now but I believe common sense and love of country over self will win out in time.  I remind myself I don't see the headlines in newspapers around the world, or how reporters report things that are in their national and local interest.  I remind myself they too have similar problems with media overkill and political self serving.

We don't live under a dictatorship.  Our military is not lurking on the sidelines waitng for an over- throw opportunity.  Among those running the country there are good men and women and slowly but surely they are being heard  and gaining a foothold.

We have become a vast nation harboring such massive differences in regional needs I think it's an amazing glue that keeps us together.  I'm thankful for that.

Having traveled the world as well as this country, I'm thankful I was fortunate enough to be born here. Here, too, will I die. Just another person who has lived a life of mediocre accomplishment.  I've tried to be a good person, a caring person and a tolerant person. I'm thankful that what I've been has been enough to enjoy what has been a wonderful, fulfilling life.  Pretty much just a middle of the road type of person.  I'm thankful, too, for those of far greater accomplishment who have used their talents to keep our homeland the best of the best. May they grow in numbers. I'll be thankful for that too.

That's pretty much me.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Groping and Harassment

It's time for an old lady to weigh in on this subject.  I think it's fair to say any girl who grew up when I did is an automatic member of the "me too" club.

Right or wrong, it is the way it was.  It can begin, as it did with me, even before high school when little boys were curious about little girls.  Even then they were stronger and could easily over power a reluctant girl.

It became more prevalent as both boys and girls were maturing and hormones raged. Boys sought to get a "feel" of an often reluctant girl. As time passed girls began to get a voice and the ability to resist.  If they wanted.  If not, well, that's another story.  College years weren't very different than high school though it may have gone further than a feel.  During this period the young men and women were of nearly the same ages. Unless a male professor was involved.

Out in the real world, however, things changed.  That's when it quit being a growing experience each  young woman managed in her own way and turned into unwanted groping and harassment by men of an age to know it was wrong. Men who were in positions of power over young women who had so much to lose by resisting. So they lived with the humiliation.

All along the way, women always had to face the fear factor.  Fear of being tormented verbally by their peer group or told they had brought it on themselves by adults who should have known better. Fear that they may be physically harmed if they resisted.

I'm not suggesting this was the norm by any means, but such behavior did occur with a degree of frequency.  Somewhere along the way parents were not teaching their sons how to respect women and the treatment that went along with the respect.

When you ask today why women didn't speak out 20 or 30 years ago it's because they were too often demeaned  if even believed.  Today they speak out because they have a sisterhood of those with like experiences to back them.

All of a sudden those incidences of wandering hands, suggestive comments and outright threats are being brought to light.  As I listen to the men fumble for excuses and make half hearted apologies I know it's because they've been outed; not because they feel any sense of shame or remorse.

It has become epidemic.  In the forefront it seems to have been athletes criticized for spousal or significant other abuse then let off because of who they were. There has always been the good old boy club whether it be the athletes,  corporate bigwigs or Hollywood.  Ah, yes, the casting couch.

I wonder if every man in a powerful position had to step aside if allegations were brought against him  there would be many left in those positions.

The tables have turned now.  Once upon a time a President got a pass for known misbehavior. Many have been known to have mistresses, ours today remains under the shadow of his own bragging.  What manner of man behaves in such a manner and preaches about our "values" at the same time?

Well, we're finding out aren't we. The behavior is pervasive - from sports to academia to business to politics. And it is truly non-partisan.

So you women who may still be reluctant ~ speak out.  Cultures can be changed and this one needs to be. This is the time ~ seize it. This is the time. Powerful women have your back.