Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I'm Killing Our Planet!

Hub came into the kitchen at lunch time and took a sandwich out of my hand. "Serious diet time," he says, "You (me) have to get down to 150 and I have to get to 180."

"Where are you taking me?" Now isn't that a logical question? Who'd have thought it was in response to the latest studies showing fat people are making global warming worse. Okay, I thought, we move more slowly and sweat more. Maybe that does add to the heat wave. Dumb me.

We've now joined livestock as the villains in our own earthly scenario! Actually it has not so much to do with the fact that the populations of all but the poorest of countries are getting fatter with each generation as much as what it takes to get us that way. Food. It's because we eat more food. Food production produces major CO2 emissions and the more we eat the more is produced.

Okay folks, here comes another Dogwalk solution. We need a cap and trade policy for eating. Those of us who over indulge on prime beef and fine wine buy credits from the poor starving people in the many third world countries we never seem able to elevate. They'd get money to plant crops and buy their own livestock and gain weight and improve their standard of living. When they're equal with the rest of the world, we'll be out of funds from buying credits, the roles will reverse and the cycle will start all over again. They've made global warming simple. I've made solving it simple.

Never mind matters of health ranging from stressed joints to heart disease. Never mind what it will do the retail market for women's sizes! What about the medical professionals who treat us - family practice physicians and all the specialists, physical therapy after the hip and knee replacements, chiropractic to straighten out those old bent bones. The pharmaceuticals who produce all those pills we pop for blood pressure, cholesterol and pain! The pharmacists who dispense them - if they're so inclined. You get the idea.

Dr. Phil Edwards of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine told the The Sun (UK), "Moving about in a heavy body is like driving a gas guzzler. We need to do a lot to reverse the global trend towards fatness. It is a key factor in the battle to reduce carbon emissions and slow climate change."

I rather like my solution for global warming. Fat credits. As far as the economic issues I've outlined, I'm sure there's a solution for that too. I think it's called TARP. Troubled Asset Relief Program. Of course if our collective "asset" less maybe we wouldn't be fat in the first place!


Anonymous said...

Well, except for very rare occassions, I have given up beef. I eat so much chicken, I cluck! I eat so many greens that my nose constantly twitches. However, I absolutely refuse to give up my wine!! On the serious side, everyday there seems to be a new "crisis". Imagine my surprise when I discovered my hips were contributing to global warming. Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed....except without exercise one becomes fatter and therefore contributes more than his/her share to global warming. Stop the merrygoround...CU

JeanieSpokane said...

So that silly little saying about "Beans! Beans! The more you eat the more you toot. The more you toot the more you . . ."

It's the tooting that is my problem!

Dogwalkmusings said...

Jeanie! Now you're talking emissions straight from the source! ; )