But today, for an hour or so, I was cocooned within myself in one more attempt to gain control over my back pain. I went to a hypnotherapist.
We were in a loft area, her home office. She sat next to me and had me relax in the biggest, most soft recliner I've ever sat in. We talked about what ailed me and how the doctors couldn't pin point the cause. About how I want to get off the pain medication because it's nearing the point if being ineffective. About what sort of life I had before the pain became all encompassing and what type of life I'd like if I didn't have it.
Then she had me close my eyes, relax and so began my decension into myself. It began with attaining a peaceful vision and the feelings that went along with it. She'd ask me to drift back to a time before the pain and what happened that might have caused it. What was I seeing. It didn't take me where I had expected but it clicked. We worked through several scenarios as I slid deeper; I could feel it. We equated the physical pain with an emotional pain then began to unravel it.
For a long time I thought it wasn't working then all of a sudden strange things began to happen. I could feel degrees of release. We spent some time at it. Talking. Reacting. By the time she brought me back up the pain hadn't disappeared, but had, indeed, receded. I felt like a rag doll. I didn't want it to end. I can't recall when I last felt so relaxed.
I was told to expect things to be happening in my body for the next two or three days. I was told I would not relapse. Positive thinking if nothing else.
I will undoubtedly go for another session after I see what the final outcome of this one is. It has been several hours now and I'm still as mellow as I can be. Again, I don't want it to end!
Today I choose to believe the therapy will work. I only wish I could believe as strongly in the decency of the press and the politicians. Maybe one out of two is enough. At least for today.